Anchored in Change: Staying True to Yourself Amid Life’s Shifts

I find there is an internal resistance we experience when faced with uncertainty or with the shifts that come with change and growth. It's not to say that we reject the nuances of how life unfolds, but sometimes we resist the possibility of uncertain outcomes. More often, we become attached to this patterned behaviour for a predictable and certain outcome because we associate that with security and safety. Still, what’s to say that our current way of living isn't necessarily aligned with what we are meant to experience as life progresses? The purpose of life is to experience what it has to offer – relationships, experiences, and understanding how we evolve. Yet, that last offering, the evolution of the self, is often what we resist most. It’s not to say that we will constantly change everything about ourselves, as we have a core, authentic self that provides a foundation. However, our surroundings do change. External factors influence our internal states.

Let me clarify... the changes that happen are usually outside of ourselves; it’s the environment that shifts. There’s this tendency to cling to things because that gives a sense of security. But what if I told you that we don’t truly change — rather, we adapt to the changing environments around us? The people we surround ourselves with come and go (some stay longer than others), but we remain. An internal rejection often comes with the disappointment that our surroundings don’t stay constant, yet that is a lesson we need to learn. It’s about embracing the present without attaching ourselves to the idea that things will last forever. That’s the essence of life and what it offers. If I asked you whether you believe that you don’t change, but only your surroundings do, what would you say? Maybe you’d believe me, or maybe you wouldn’t. But I’d like to share an experience from my own life that might resonate.

I’ve met many people so far — some have stayed, some have come and gone, and others are just passengers I see from afar, who may or may not impact me. What I’ve come to embrace is that my core values and sense of self are what remain constant through personal evolution. I’ve discovered that external things in life, which are always changing, often provoke feelings of uncertainty, sorrow, or even desperation—especially when I seek something external that I feel I lack. Then I realized that if these things are 1) external and 2) not part of me, I can let go of the idea that I need something outside of myself to feel fulfilled and instead focus on what I can control. I swung to the other extreme, feeling hyper-independent, believing I didn’t need anything from outside to feel complete. But that was a lesson to learn because I wasn’t fully embracing my life. Like anyone, I craved connection. So, this led me to ask, how can I find balance? I’ve realized that even if I don’t need external things to feel fulfilled, they can complement my life. Understanding that these are separate from me, yet recognizing my innate craving for connection, helps me find that balance.

It’s about accepting the flow of what surrounds us while staying true to ourselves and living in alignment with who we are. This duality — between complacency and extremes — allowed me to find that balance. It’s not about pressuring ourselves to cling to uncertain outcomes or detach completely, but rather about finding a middle ground. I’ve concluded that we aren’t in control of how things turn out, especially if they aren’t part of us, but we are in control of how we choose to embrace the present and what we’re experiencing. We can allow external things to flow past us and decide how we engage with what’s presented. No matter how much things change outside us, we can still stay anchored in ourselves and who we are.

Z.