Embrace death through love

The fears of letting go can be profound at times, as it often feels easier than confronting the uncertainty or possibility of things without whatever has been dragging us down. Choosing to suffer is sometimes easier than choosing to be free. We become accustomed to toxic patterns, behaviours, and ideas that limit our ability to step into new versions of ourselves. We often forget to grieve who we once were, which is why we relive patterns that keep us stuck—whether in relationships, self-sabotage, or even in environments that trigger us. At times, we believe we are not drawn to those places, or even that we have stepped out of that mindset, yet we find ourselves caught in the middle.  

In this in-between, that transition tests whether we will remain who we once were or choose to move forward. It resembles endless cycles where we have the choice to either give up on ourselves and let that pattern continue, or relinquish the pattern and allow ourselves to live. This duality seems simple, but in reality, it is where we often find ourselves torn. We struggle to navigate the phases of grief that we don’t anticipate experiencing, as we are taught that grief is only tied to physical death. However, grief extends far beyond the physical; it relates to the versions of ourselves we once were, to the people who come and go in our lives, and even to the things we have outgrown. Yet, grief is a beautiful thing, and I believe it is one of the most humane experiences one can undergo. This beauty lies in our profound fear of change, which connects closely to the concept of death in our own lives, making us fear whatever lies ahead. I think that when we confront that fear—the fear of dying, the fear of outgrowing who we were—and accept the inevitable, we realize it might not be so bad, for there is light at the end of the tunnel.  

Regarding death, or at least while we are still alive and evolving into different versions of ourselves, these versions do not disappear or remain forgotten unless we consciously choose to forget (and then it can come back and bite you in the bum). They remain part of who we are, and we choose which parts to highlight, but we do not reject or deny the shadows and darker aspects of life or our experiences. The way we come to perceive and feel these transitions is by surrendering to what is and who we are, allowing ourselves to simply be. When we surrender, we choose to expand, we choose to let go, while also welcoming whatever aligns with our growth. It is difficult to articulate, and even harder to contextualize without sounding a bit insane if you haven't experienced it. However, if there is one thing I must emphasize, it is that closeness to fear—the fear of change and uncertainty, the closeness to the death of our previous selves and what we used to accept—makes us more human. It’s the raw, clear emotions that connect us to our humanity. It is this exact experience that allows us to feel alive.  

Yet, there exists a contradiction, or at least what I have experienced: forceful emotions and expressions convince me that I must feel or undergo certain things to remind myself of the life I am living. But these forced responses are merely old, toxic patterns we have grown accustomed to because of our desire to remain where we are, even if we deny it. We deny this out of shame, regret, guilt, or even sorrow for outgrowing our past. Yet, there is beauty in feeling; in those very moments we fear it, we let doubt and discontent limit our ability to fully embrace the experience, preferring instead to remain stuck in a cycle that yields predictable outcomes. But it is the acceptance of our proximity to death, the complexity of the concept itself, that offers us the chance to interpret it beyond mere physicality. Our undeniable humanity connects us to our senses, allowing us to grow and evolve, and clinging only to the emotion of happiness limits the fullness of life. It is the love within us that enables us to understand that it is a concept as complex as death, one we can interpret as we wish. Love encompasses everything in a way that is both undeniable and inexplicable; it is only we who will face it for ourselves. In my personal experience, it is through love that one can embrace death, as it facilitates the understanding of change, uncertainty, and peace without the need to control or cling to the unexpected, such as the past or future. We must learn to let go and choose love, experiencing humanity for what it is, without enforcing the suffering that one is presumed to endure to live fully. Rather, we should encompass the compassion and connection within us that lead to expansion and community. If we recognize that life comes with its challenges, why make it even more challenging?

Z.