Fight, flight, or freeze?

I have had some conversations with a very wise person lately, and it has allowed me to understand the importance of perspective and how we grasp the way we choose to live life. Our lives consist of dreams, devotion, and determination to achieve them; however, how one might choose to pursue or come to figure out these things is up to each and every one of us. One of the main things I had to unlearn was the concept of futurizing, which I define as not necessarily dreams, but rather scenarios that we create that we sometimes rely on to have control of our lives, rather than surrendering and allowing things to unravel. 

For quite some time, I would futurize myself to the point where I anticipated situations or events before they occurred. It was as if I embraced the emotions, good or bad, to the point where once the situation arose or the event approached, I found myself not even experiencing those exact emotions. One might say it is the expectation of an outcome or convincing ourselves that we are doing it for our sake; it prepares us for whatever is to come. However, I have found that futurizing scenarios is one thing, and dreaming is another. Sometimes, we create scenarios where we go into so much detail that we project the emotions we feel now into those moments.  

I will explain in a way that I experienced this past week, one that was on the less positive spectrum. I had this recurring feeling of anxiousness and fear building within me, fueled by doubts and questions, specifically regarding an unprecedented situation. I was afraid of bumping into someone. I questioned where they would be or if I would be near them, and how I would react. However, these questions did not just come once; the list of different facets of these questions was so extensive that it made me walk in fear. Why? Because I was creating scenarios in my head. I was becoming disillusioned by an unpredictable and unknown scenario because of the fear I held onto from memories. I don’t believe it is unusual, but I started catching myself more when I spiraled into questions. I was fearful of when that moment would come where I would have to face it, yet I had pushed it to the back of my mind without truly letting it go.

So, lucky me, of all the restaurants I could have gone to, I found myself enjoying a lovely dinner when, all of a sudden, I looked up and that person was there. I only ever knew of “fight-or-flight,” but apparently, there is a third response, which is freeze. And man, let me tell you, I was in shock. The emotions I had from all those questions surfaced, but not in the way I thought. I felt afraid, but it was also because I had not faced that fear; I had merely covered it up by asking questions that had no answers and were simply ruminating in my mind. However, I was faced with one question that I was truly unsure how to answer: How the fuk am I going to react if this situation occurs? Well, in my mind, I had two options: either I hide or run away, or I stay and face the fear of being in the same room (regardless of distance). I chose to face my fear, and let me tell you, it was fuking hard. It was one of the most intense situations I have ever been in, but this time I had control. I was in control of my reaction and how I chose to approach this situation, using the tools I had accumulated for my sake and for the sake of finally facing this fear.

After this event transpired, I realized that we futurize scenarios and ask questions, trying to predict the outcome so we have more clarity and certainty about how things will unfold. We don’t know how the future will unravel, and we don’t know how we will react. But if one thing is certain, it is right now. The memories we have are from the past, and we cannot bank on them out of fear that they will occur again, nor can we create idealizations as a way to have expected outcomes that may disappoint us. So what do we do if not hold memories and have dreams? I think this is the question I encountered. I was too afraid to let go of memories because it felt like I would forget them or even show that they were not important. On the other hand, I was dreaming of different situations so I could be in control of the outcomes. Regardless of either of these, I found that the best thing we can do is be in the now, to be present with how you feel and embrace the moments for what they are. We already know the emotions (if you are aware of them), have had experiences, and already have standards, dreams, and plans. So why do we continuously force ourselves to jump back and forth instead of finding balance within and trusting that we will handle the situation in the best way we know how when it arises? What if instead of fight, flight or freeze, we flow?

Z.