How to stop living for approval and start living for truth

I was reading the book “Psychology of Money” by Morgan Russell (2020), and it discussed how we become attracted to the idea of money and wealth not necessarily because of the money we make or how rich we become, but rather because of how much we get to spend. This leads us to assume that if we can spend enough and receive enough material things in return, it equals our wealth. But here is where there is a paradox, as Russell describes. When we walk down the street and see people with nice cars or a certain lifestyle, we don’t necessarily look at the person, but at what they are holding or what they possess. When we finally own these riches, we face the subconscious desire to show what we have. But if we put both perspectives side by side, we realize that the approval we seek from others and the validation we get may be about our possessions, which makes us desire more of them. 

As we acquire more possessions, we assume that we will gain more recognition or admiration. However, on the other hand, when we walk down the street, we are not looking at the person who owns those riches, but at the things themselves. This paradox prompts us to step back and ask what we truly value. When I have questioned, compared, or desired things I felt were out of my reach, I would sometimes ask myself if I wanted to be the person holding those things or the things that the person holds. This duality gave me a new understanding that sometimes people crave the desire simply for approval. But often, there is an emptiness that comes with it. I believe it’s because they place greater value on their material possessions than on their character. 

When I compared myself to those around me, I used a tangible measure, which made it easier to compare but also easier to diminish or elevate my own worth or someone else’s. This became quite toxic and unhelpful for everyone. Instead, I started to see others' lives as parallels, rather than points of comparison. In a mathematical sense, these are two lines that always stay the same distance apart but never intersect. Applying this to everyday life, it helped me understand that each person has their own life. I realized that approval from others is often about their own reflection and value system, and that I initially sought approval from people who had what I wanted. Shifting focus to seeking my own approval and staying true to myself lifted the burden of living up to others’ expectations. 

So, why not live according to my own standards? Why not align my life with what works for me? This approach not only allowed me to live for myself but also freed me from the need to control everything. I learned that what is outside of me is something I can learn to flow with, since I can only control myself. This also helped me choose what I value and what I want to surround myself with. Though we will inevitably face challenges, even our reactions are something we can control. So, why not take a step to set your own expectations, take control of your life, and learn to flow with what surrounds you?

Z.