Beyond external measures

The idea behind overachieving might come from feeling tied to the external things you do. These things then become a big part of how you define yourself. The reality, however, can come from believing that who you are, regardless of what you do, is enough, and that everything else you choose to do is simply an extension of who you are.

You might think that the amount you do—the tangible measure of activities, tasks, and completed goals—will define who you are, especially if you feel like you are not being rewarded in another tangible way. In that sense, it can become an excuse to still have something that measures your worth. This can show up in different parts of your life: the amount of money you earn, the number of friendships you have, the followers or likes you get, the hours you work out, the calories you intake, or the weight you carry. All these tangible measures can blind us to the ways we measure our worth. If that is the case, then we become defined by external things rather than by internal satisfaction. I think true security comes from knowing that one’s worth is not defined by external aspects, but by doing things simply for the sake of who you are, and because it feels right.

I guess one could say that this becomes a co-dependent relationship between life and everything around us. But co-dependency creates attachment. And if there is anything I have learned from attachment, it is that it creates anchors that do not necessarily allow you to grow and flow with change. So maybe the trick, instead of attaching ourselves to the external tangible measures in life—people, places, things, weight, and so on—is to learn how to detach from them and simply embrace the flow of things.

When one becomes fixated on trying to obtain things, it is often because they feel a lack in their life, and that lack can ripple into how they define their worth. But if you learn how to find fulfillment in the everyday flow of things, maybe you can allow yourself to stop measuring so much and simply enjoy it instead.

It is like asking: if you didn’t have to analyze, measure, or expect an outcome from something, what would you do? Even if it is only about letting go of the outcome or the perfected expectation of how things should unfold, maybe it is also about giving yourself a chance to enjoy things as they are, without needing something else to come from them—just allowing the act of doing to be fulfilling enough.

In many ways, we limit ourselves because of the perfect outcomes we hope to obtain, or because of the waiting period before starting something, since we feel that we are not ready. If the former is the case, then maybe ask yourself why you are expecting that outcome, or what emotion you think you will obtain after getting it. If you have an idea of that emotion, start feeling it and embrace the vibration or frequency of that emotion as though you already have it. But if it is the latter, ask yourself what you are waiting for. Try to see how many excuses you can come up with, and then notice how many are or are not in your control. If the excuses add up, maybe go deeper and figure out where these limiting beliefs are coming from.

One of the most common things we do, I think, is limit ourselves because we feel that we are not enough due to the external, tangible measures we have not yet reached. But maybe it is time to remove those external co-dependent relationships with the everyday activities and things we do, and start doing what feels right—what resonates with the frequency or energy of already having these things. 

We stop measuring, we start being.

Z.