Going beyond reason

When I began my journey of introspection, I wanted to understand what was happening in my life. I started reaching for any book, video, or podcast that might help me find answers. As I gathered ideas about human behaviour, the psyche, and the self, I learned more and more about perspectives on a subject that fascinated me. This knowledge helped me interpret situations in different ways and find new approaches to familiar challenges. But it also changed how I processed my emotions: I began to approach them almost entirely through reason.

I would tell myself, “When these emotions come up, I need to do this. When those emotions come up, I need to do that. I know how to get through this and move on as quickly as possible.” Finding ways to make sense of difficult situations helped me accept what had happened. But when I faced traumatic experiences, I responded in the same way: I rationalized them and tried to move on. The emotions still resurfaced, and each time, I tried to reason my way through them again.

Over time, I realized that this pattern kept me from fully feeling my emotions and allowing them to pass. It wasn’t until I let myself feel what came up – without forcing the feelings to appear or trying to make them disappear – that I began to move forward. I no longer had to avoid, bury, or ignore what I was feeling.

When we gain a lot of knowledge, especially about the psyche and emotions, it can be tempting to think that reading about a subject will make us experts in it. But what we learn doesn’t always apply neatly to our own lives. We can draw on that knowledge with curiosity, try what seems useful, and remember that if something doesn’t work exactly as described, it doesn’t mean we have failed.

I began to find my footing in healing by gathering my own tools through trial and error. Researching, talking with others, and putting my experiences into words helped me understand what I was learning, consider new perspectives, and recognize that some ideas might not fit my circumstances. No book contains your whole story unless you write it, and no single book will answer every question you have. Stay curious, but take what you learn with a grain of salt.

Think of the knowledge and insights that resonate with you and prove helpful as tools in a personalized toolbox* – a way to cope with challenges and approach life in alignment with your best and highest self. I believe we discover which tools work for us through trial and error. Your toolbox will be shaped by your own story, and it may look different from anyone else’s.

So maybe you can give yourself a chance to start asking what tools are in your personalized toolbox? 

Z.

*The toolbox is a concept I encountered in Michelle Obama’s book The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times (2022).