What will others say?

When we begin to live according to who we truly are and take a step back from our old selves, our reactions change, and others might respond defensively. It’s not wrong to change, but it can feel strange to those around us. Your habits shift, your way of speaking changes, and your reactions become more genuine. The mask falls away, filters vanish, and you feel lighter. 

And it doesn’t really bother you to start changing. I believe the discomfort comes from others’ reactions and the questions or doubts they cast when you change or are no longer the person they remember. (And yes, I’ve changed... no sh*t.) When people first start saying this, it can feel confusing—you doubt yourself, question what they mean. But when those questions persist and are framed as if becoming your true self is a bad thing—when it might not be—that’s when internal doubt begins to creep in.

I am lucky to have faced this feeling before, along with the doubts that come with it. This year has been especially transformative for me, and I’ve received comments about how I’ve changed. My only response now is, no sh*t.

Still, that voice in your head whispers—what do others think? What will they say? Am I doing the right thing?

But that voice is just a limitation you’ve placed on yourself, preventing you from continuing on your path and instead steering you toward external influences. When we get accustomed to living according to others’ expectations, we lose our sense of agency. I think this stage of life is something many of us go through. Sometimes it takes years, or even a lifetime, to realize that the life we’re living isn’t truly our own but one we feel we must follow. The sooner you realize that others’ expectations and perspectives are theirs alone, the more you understand that you cannot control how others see you, nor how they choose to behave.

It’s only when you accept that you are in control of your own life that you can start setting your own expectations. These expectations should come from within yourself, not others. When you realize this, the beauty of having the freedom to make your own choices becomes clear: you are in control, which not only helps you trust how your life unfolds but also frees you from the pressure of trying to manage everyone else around you.

You can’t please everyone—everyone has their own vision and expectations. Trying to meet all those standards would be exhausting and daunting. From experience, I can tell you it can drive you crazy and even drown out your own voice. But here’s some good news! You can change that. It might take practice, but it starts with deciding to focus on yourself. Internally, you align with your own expectations and values. Externally, it’s about how you choose to treat others, not how they react.

So, why not give yourself the chance to live through your own perspective and embrace the freedom that comes with being your authentic self?

Z.