Are you set in stone?

The best moments are often the ones that happen unexpectedly, don’t you think?

We spend so much time planning and organizing our schedules, writing everything out to a T. But if you really think about it, does anything ever go exactly as planned? We can set due dates and create routines, yet things still change, shift, and sometimes turn out even better than we imagined.

One of the best conversations I’ve had recently happened on a night out I almost skipped. I had planned my day around a party a friend was hosting. When the time came, I was exhausted and ready for bed. I didn’t know my friend would be leaving the next day, but even though I was already in my pj’s, I got dressed and headed to the party anyway. I didn’t expect to stay long, yet before I knew it, the night had turned into something memorable. I met someone there, and instead of dancing and staying in the crowd, we ended up outside, deeply engaged in a conversation about life. 

At one point, my friend came out, surprised to find me there instead of inside, because she thought I had already left. This person I had just met, with whom I had only exchanged names, turned out to be one of the most interesting people I’ve encountered. I think of it as a serendipitous moment, and I’m sure you’ve had your own versions of this. After our long conversation, and our friends joining us, the night carried on, and we eventually went our separate ways. I didn’t even get to say goodbye. But that moment was so precious and unexpected that it helped me appreciate the present more and be fully there, along with the surprise and curiosity I felt. My time with them made me reflect again on what it means to live with more fluidity and to let things unfold naturally. When we plan every detail of our lives and try to anticipate every mishap, we can become consumed by the need to control everything, losing sight of the simple joy of watching things unfold.

This brings to mind two sayings I try to remember: Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans, and enjoy the journey. They’re simple, but we often forget them. A reminder can help us hold our goals more lightly, keeping them in the back of our minds without letting them take over. 

It’s especially hard now, when we’re constantly exposed and influenced by other people’s achievements and successes. While those accomplishments can be admirable and inspiring, they can also distract us from our own lives and our own pace. We start comparing ourselves, putting pressure on ourselves to fast-track our lives, to obtain luxuries or experiences, while overlooking what we already have.

There are countless ways people define a "perfect" life, but where do those definitions come from? Are your own ideals rooted in your experiences, desires, and values? Or are they shaped by others’ expectations and the pressure you feel to keep up?

A helpful way to differentiate is to notice how the pursuit of something makes you feel. If the idea of obtaining it makes you anxious or desperate, it might be because you believe you’re lacking something. If that’s the case, ask yourself what you feel you lack, and then why you think you lack it. There are no right or wrong answers here, and no one else can answer for you. This life is yours, and you get to decide what you want, how you define it, and the way you wish to pursue it. Even if you’re clear on your goals, it’s important to leave room for the possibility that, while they are achievable, the way you reach them may be different than what you had planned.

That’s why understanding who you are is essential to knowing whether you’re on the right path. If we keep defining our lives (our love, success, relationships, and even our sense of self) according to other people’s standards, we inevitably end up chasing something that feels disconnected from who we truly are.

So why not give yourself the chance to get clearer on who you are, what you desire, and why you desire it? Building this kind of clarity can help you trust that whatever comes your way will align with you. From there, you can allow unexpected moments to unfold, recognizing that they’re part of your path toward the larger goals or outcomes you hold in mind. But remember, goals can always evolve, because nothing is set in stone.

Z.