Complexity, evolution, and the beauty of love

The realization that your love is valid no matter when or where you share it is a stepping stone in accepting a larger part of yourself. It is then choosing what it is that you do or do not love that is up to you.

We think that when we had the first relationship, we hadn’t loved and that it was only lust. We minimized our emotions and said, “We grew up.” But what if the love we felt in that moment was real, and we were fortunate to get a taste of what love means to us? I think we like to define love in the ways we look around and not truly validate how it is that we feel, which I think is pretty common to do in many aspects of our lives. We convince ourselves that we were young and stupid, that the love you felt was childish, and that it could only be defined by lust. But in that moment, did it feel real? In that moment when you first fell in love, did you feel that intense emotion? 

We can say that as we grow up, the way that we define things also changes, just like the meaning we place behind friendships, or beyond that and talk about trust and respect. We grasp deeper meanings of things as we continue to experience life or the other facets of those emotions. The beauty of having felt those emotions is that we can begin to filter and narrow down the meaning to what it means to us. However, the key is to also not dismiss the emotion that you felt before. Because just like something could mean something in that moment, and you could see yourself in a certain way, you grow, evolve and change to become someone more distinguished, intricate, and elaborate, and that is reflected in your surroundings. 

It was funny how, after a relationship I had a while ago, I turned to a friend of mine and told them that I held a lot of love for that person after briefly meeting them. They told me I was foolish to even think that. I had a feeling that this connection that was special would be something that would be more than just something that scratched the surface. I allowed myself to feel and simply be myself, navigating whatever emotions might come up, and I even questioned my emotions that I felt and if they were normal (and even questioned the timing of everything). A big part of me hated the aspect of thinking that I was out of control and that these emotions that came up were strange to me. But when I would come back to my senses, I felt at peace. This relationship allowed me to find serenity and acceptance in the love that I shared and felt, and to remove the regret that came with it, as well as the justification that these emotions were just lust or superficial. I feel thankful to have understood that the realness of emotion that I allowed myself to feel came with the beauty of accepting that I don’t have to minimize what I feel, nor dismiss the emotions that came up. 

A big part of your healing comes from the understanding of where certain “learnt” beliefs come from, and how to dismantle and restructure them. A common one that I believe we all share is this understanding of our emotions. Beyond the understanding, it is the acceptance that you have these feelings and not fear, diminish or doubt them. There is a beauty in the complexity and the uniqueness of experiences we all have, and it goes beyond saying that we are fortunate to feel such things. But regardless of this beauty, with it comes the responsibility of how to respond, react, and take sound action that will allow you to be in alignment with yourself. 

So, why don’t you give yourself a chance to simplify your life by merely accepting the emotions as they were, without trying to justify or reframe them? Why don’t you allow things to be as they are without trying to change how they already unravelled and focus on how you want to respond to them now?

Z.